Ice ice baby

Our steadfast refusal to do the two-day San Francisco-rich-white-person-extravaganza-type birth class found us at the door of the crunchy non-profit Birthways in Berkeley on Sunday for a three hour class called "Comfort Measures in Labor". Being the kind of people we are, we were ridiculously, comedically early, so had a chance for some one-on-one (err, two-on-one I suppose) time with the instructor, a doula named Stacia Biltekoff. The space was a modest room in a commercial building, outfitted with comfy chairs, birthing balls and lots of framed arty pictures of fabulously pregnant women. It felt comfortable, low-key and non-profit, which made us both quite happy.

We had also been expecting something like our various friends who had done the spendy birthing boot-camp classes had found, in which there's 20 couples all fighting for attention - so we were very surprised when Stacia said there were just three couples. One didn't even show up, so it was just her, us and another couple. This was great, especially as she was so friendly and knowledgeable. We started off with the crazy positions and moved through acupressure, hypnotherapy and breathing before ending up with the final part of the class.

We were each given a towel into which was dumped a pile of ice cubes. We were told to pick up the ice and hold onto it. Okay. This is cold. Owww. This is starting to hurt. Err, can I put it down now? No, I shouldn't, no-one else has. I wonder if I'm doing permanent damage here? Owww. I mean, seriously, this is fucking painful. Is this a test of endurance? Will she eventually tell us to stop? What if she doesn't? What if it really is a competition to maybe show the dads that the mums have better pain tolerance? "Stop" she says. Phew! We had held the ice for one minute. Ooooooh, now I get it. That was a contraction. I see where this is going.

Next up, same again, but look into your partner's eyes for the whole time. Okay, this is a bit easier. Third time, spend 30 seconds focused on the pain, then 30 seconds focused on your partner. Hmmm, even easier. So distraction works well.

Now the two dads were done with the ice, woohoo! We would now implement the comfort measures we'd learned whilst our partners held onto the ice. Stacia set up three stations: one with a birthing ball next to a table, one with a couch, and one with cushions on the floor. We had to do each station, doing our best to keep our wives' minds off the pain of the ice. By golly it worked well. K was really pleased with how the massage, the positions, the talking and the holding made such a big difference.

Now no-one is saying that holding ice is as painful as a contraction, but regardless of the intensity of pain, the exercises showed us how important these comfort measures will be during labor. It was an extremely interesting psychological experiment, and even though we'll have a doula helping us along, I'm pleased I learned these important lessons.

A quick summary

Things have been pretty quiet for the most part lately. We're in the calm before the storm, with the room ready for painting, and no classes to attend for a little bit. Here's some things that have been going on:

• My colleague at work had her baby on Friday. All went very well. Clicking off all the "other" births before ours is kind of fun. Our former neighbours are next, sometime in late August, then it's our turn!
• We picked a doula, and we're all excited about it. She has a terrific amount of experience (over 100 births, plus two of her own) and she has a lovely calm and caring personality that will be a huge asset.
• K's heartburn continues to be THE major unpleasantness of being pregnant for her, but on the advice of her OB, she's now taking an acid reducer (Pepcid) in addition to Tums antacids. This has already helped a little bit, and hopefully it will make for better sleep between now and the birth.
• The baby got its first taste of motorcycle racing on Sunday (as a spectator of course) - there is NO doubt that the sound of MotoGP racebikes was heard in the womb, and much activity was felt by K each time the bikes were on track! We feel that this is much more important than playing Mozart or Beethoven to the baby....
• A close friend of ours who is an awesome photographer did a little photoshoot yesterday of K and the bump. I joined the shoot at the end to get the classic "hands on the bump" shot. Looking forward to seeing the end product.
  

Registry

When we got married, it was a surprise wedding, so there was no registry. We got a few gifts, but nothing like the virtual house remodel that many couples get. Nonetheless, we went out and created a registry with the plan to include the link to the list in the thank you cards, because some people were plain annoyed that we didn't have a registry (I also hankered after some new dinnerware!) However, we lagged on sending out the thank yous, to the point where it was close enough to the time we'd have a baby registry that we just combined the two.

We absolutely refused to engage in the trad shower, with its awful games and general lack of blokes. To celebrate the arrival of this baby, we would like our male friends around as well as the laydeez, so we're throwing a Pre-Birthday Party for the baby. Despite our best efforts, we've caved in to the idea that we'll be accepting gifts. This is simply too expensive a gig to go it alone.

We've found that this about balancing a number of competing pressures: trying to avoid accumulating stuff; not wanting to impose on our friends and family and their finances; making sure we have what we need without putting ourselves in the poorhouse; and understanding that some people simply *want* to buy us stuff and we should make that process as easy as possible.

So the registry is complete, and the major item on there is the stroller. We set it up for people to contribute to it, as opposed to having one person drop that amount of money. "What about reducing your carbon footprint?" you may ask. Good point. It comes down to this: carseats are like motorcycle helmets - if you drop it, it's basically no good anymore because you have no idea whether the shock absorption properties have been compromised or not. Neither K nor I would ride in a helmet that had been dropped. So although we've been offered carseats by other people, we've decided that we're going to buy a new one. Once that's on the cards, you might as well buy the whole "travel system" that includes the seat, the base and the stroller that the seat latches onto. It is true that we could take the Greco stroller that my mother has offered us, and buy a Greco seat and base, but for basically double that cost we would have a brand-new travel system, one that we had selected. In this case, we tried out a whole bunch and found the Chicco system to be significantly better. It also was ranked MUCH higher in Consumer Reports' survey of carseats, measuring an 88% against the Greco's 75% (the difference coming in the usability area).

More on owls

I would be lying if I said this post was anything except an extremely tenuous link to the topic at hand, that of bringing a baby into the world. However, in a near-babylike move, I nearly peed myself laughing after watching this bit of standup from British comedian Ross Noble. Here's the connection: he's talking about owls... and owls are the theme we've selected for our soon-to-be offspring.

Like I said: tenuous. But funny.



And just for fun, one more:

Stuff is arriving

Yes, stuff. Despite our attempts to make the arrival of this new human being as carbon-neutral as possible, we still need "things". Luckily, most of these "things" have been lent or given to us, including lots and lots and lots of clothing. My mother gave us a rather groovy colourful baby chair with toys on it that originally belonged to my niece. We've temporarily loaned it to our friends C&C for their 3-month-old, who absolutely loves it. Don't get too attached, toots...

The big focus last week was on The Dresser / Changing Table Situation. We were determined to find a used one on Craigslist, but faced a challenge which C told me was "like trapping badgers" e.g. bloody difficult, because they get snapped up so quickly. However through sheer persistency on the part of K (and the loan of a minivan from C), we got one for the rather reasonable price of $125. Here it is in its recently-arrived and not-yet-put-back-together glory:


The other piece of stuff that arrived was the breast pump, this one being the cutting edge new "hands-free" device from Medela. This will be extremely important because K will be involved in writing her thesis for her masters through to December, so having hands free whilst pumping can be seen as a distinct advantage. It has to be said that with the hot weather lately, K has been suffering a bit with swollen feet and ankles, which has made her feel generally "big". In fact she described herself as feeling like a "cow", which I did my best to refute because she didn't look that way, but how she feels is how she feels and it's hard to change sometimes. This feeling was not helped by this picture on the box of the breast pump:

Yes, I know they're trying to demonstrate how this product is ideal for the busy professional woman, but they clearly didn't take into account the self-esteem of the pregnant woman - let's not forget that most buyers of this product are going to be currently pregnant at the time of purchase and probably nervous about the prospect of breastfeeding. Talk about presenting a harsh reality. I'm sure most mothers who have been through this think this is no big deal, but I can tell you that a picture like that is intimidating to a woman who is pregnant with her first child.

What are we going to do-ula

We've made a bold decision. We're going to have a doula for the birth. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a woman who supports the parents through the birth process but who does not engage in any medical activity. So she will help the couple decide when to go to the hospital, provide massages, suggest positions, talk the mum through the contractions, help the couple make decisions about interventions, make sure everyone is getting enough water and nourishment and generally be a calm, steady hand at the wheel of the good ship Labor.

Given our goal of making the birth as natural as possible, having a doula has statistically shown to increase the mother's chances of avoiding pain medication, and more importantly decreases the chances of a C-section by more than 30%.

Another reason for K to want a doula is because she wants to take some of the pressure off me. I appreciate her concern, and agree that it will make my job a lot easier, allowing me to focus much more on being emotional support for her, instead of trying to remember a whole bunch of things that are not second-nature.

We had originally not even considered it because we felt the costs would be too high (we had a figure of between $1500 and $2500 in our heads). After a little research on my part, I found that although you can spend that much, there are many experienced doulas who charge as little as $600, even in the Bay Area.

So I started trying to compile a shortlist of doulas to talk to. Holy cow there's a lot of them! To make things easier I only looked at doulas with websites. Then I went searching for reviews on Yelp, parenting forums and other Bay Area parenting resources like the Birthways website. I ended up with a list of ten, from which we picked three to talk to. That's where we stand right now. We've talked to two, once of whom is coming for an interview on Sunday.

A Special Day

Happy Ten-Year Anniversary, dear N! I love you dearly and consider myself an extremely lucky woman to have you in my life. Thank you for all you have taught me, the ways you love me, and the many laughs and tears we have shared together.

I look forward to the next chapter together...