More rock

According to the expectant father book I'm reading (called "The Expectant Father" oddly enough) the baby is now very much capable of hearing sounds from the outside world. These start off as low-frequencies and as the baby develops it picks up higher and higher frequencies.

It therefore seemed like a good time to get our hands on one of the Rockabye CDs. These awesome CDs feature lullaby versions of rock songs. Each album focuses on one specific band which range from the awful (The Eagles) to the heavy (Metallica) to classic rock (AC/DC) to modern (Coldplay) to stuff which is trippy enough to pass as potential lullaby music in the first place (I'm looking at you Pink Floyd). K was the first one to pull the trigger with the Led Zeppelin disc, but I won't be far behind, because I want our baby to be exposed to Tool as soon as possible, albeit sans lyrics - the kid can wait a few more years before hearing a band telling junkies to go f*** themselves!

Kick punch

The baby is stirring. Yesterday K reported that the movement she'd been feeling had transitioned from being small pops and squirming to full on kicks. I consider this to be kind of awesome.

I played a show with my band Heathrow last night, and K came out. Apparently the baby can now react to external noises, so she figured hearing Dad rock out would be a good thing for it. Who am I to argue...?

The second labor pain workshop

Tuesday night we went back to Alta Bates for the second labor pain workshop. This one focused on medications and was the main reason we wanted to do these classes. We were looking for any reason to *not* go for a natural childbirth.

The class was taught by an obstetric anaesthesiologist who works at Alta Bates. We knew up front that he would be "pro" medication, since that's his job, and of course he's going to feel it is safe. Our concerns were mainly around the phenomenon of "epidural fever", the ability to deliver in non-lying-down positions, and the risks associated with narcotic pain meds.

Although we got plenty of chance to ask questions, we walked away feeling as though the risks had been glossed over. He portrayed epidural fever as "a slight elevation in body temperature" which is contrary to what K had heard from an acquaintance, whose temperature had gone so high that the baby had literally had to be vacuumed out with a special tool.

We did have one question answered though, which is "is there enough compelling evidence to dissuade us from pursuing natural childbirth" and the answer was an unequivocal "NO".

18-week ultrasound

Yesterday was our second big ultrasound and the baby got a very thorough examination. The good news is that everything looks great. There were no obvious spinal issues (spina bifida, which is an opening in the spinal column would be the biggest worry at this point), and the brain, heart, kidneys and bladder all looked good. The baby's size was within normal range, and all fingers and toes were present and correct. Physical abnormalities such as club foot and cleft palate were also not present. All in all, a great success.

On the "host" side of things, K was very reassured to find out that her cervix was nice and long, which banished any fears of premature birth caused by an "incompetent cervix". This worry had stayed with her since the bleeding issues of the first trimester, so she was really, really happy to get this great news.

And now for some snapshots!

Breathe

We went to the first of two Labor Pain Management classes at Alta Bates Hospital in Berkeley on Tuesday night. Some people might think this is a bit early for all that, but it will help us decide what do in terms of the birth plan, and that in itself will inform what kind of birthing class we go to. You need to know different stuff if you're doing a natural birth versus one with an epidural.

After a fraught drive over in which I was grumpy about the traffic, followed by a rushed and unpleasant burrito, the class started. The instructor was great - she'd been an OB nurse for 30-something years and clearly had seen and done it all. We learned about the phases of labor and breathing exercises to cope with each. I'm sure we'll go over it all again in the real birthing class, but it was nice to start thinking about. Our real area of interest is with next week's class in which an anaesthesiologist will talk about medication options. For example, not many people know that there are FIVE types of epidural! Crazy...

Where beer and pregnancy converge

That's scandalous! Beer and pregnancy never converge! Yes they do actually. We're brewing a very special beer that will be ready right around the time the baby arrives. Beers that take that long to age are usually what the beeristi call "high gravity" which is a euphamism for "they will get you very drunk very quickly". In our case, we've gone for a Belgian Dubbel. It took so much malt, we needed to use a colander instead of the usual cheesecloth bag.

This idea came from K's co-worker who did a sobriety-busting Imperial IPA. She noted that for the first half hour after the baby arrives, you've got free rein to drink booze, so they wanted something very special for that, rather than your typical Cook's "champagne" or if you're my brother at the arrival of our niece last year, a tallboy of Budweiser.

All caught up

I think I've managed to capture the significant points of the process so far. Since the grand announcement in mid-March, a few additional notable things have happened:

• K is now "showing" - this is very exciting indeed, and the transition to maternity clothing is nearly complete (although a "belly band" allows existing wardrobe to stay in the rotation a bit longer).
  
• People have given us stuff. So far, we've been given clothes and a crib. We are not too proud to accept stuff, in fact we positively embrace the concept. Baby stuff is used for such a short period of time, and generally stays in pretty good condition, so if we can cut down on consumption (something we strive for everyday anyway) then that's a good thing. We'd rather spend money on things like a 529 account for the kid's college education, or saving for a downpayment on a house.
• K has had a cold for the last ten days. Since cold medication is not allowed for the pregnant laydeez, she's having difficulty getting rid of it. The weakened immune system that comes with pregnancy also doesn't help. So the best she can do is fill a bowl with boiling water and menthol or peppermint and breathe in the steam with a towel over her head.
• We've booked two evening classes that cover pain management. They're free from Alta Bates hospital in Berkeley. Hopefully they'll help guide us as to what kind of birth to go for. Right now, a natural, non-anaesthetized birth in a hospital is the front-runner.
• Names are being discussed, but won't be shared with anyone. Although the biggest issue is the last name since neither of us changed that when we got hitched last year.
• We had brunch with some good friends who have a 3-month-old. They gave us loads of amazing advice, but we learned that it is easy to get overwhelmed when those who have gone through the process try to share info with you.
• Our friends C&C had their baby, a lovely little girl. Everything went smoothly and they're well into the rhythm of looking after a newborn now. She was born at 3am on a Sunday, and we swung by to give them a little support at 5am. All was quiet and serene and they were seemed to be a mixture of overjoyed, content, exhausted and bemused. It was a really interesting process to be a part of and a kind of preview too.
  

That's it! From this point forwards, posts will be "as they happen" as opposed to retrospective.

News of the Weird

Naturally, all preggers women experience some wacky changes in their bodies, their thoughts and their activities as they prepare for the even bigger changes to come. While mine are certainly not unique, they have been intriguing.

I began waking up in the night to use the loo about a month into the pregnancy. Nothing unusual there. Women tend to experience bathroom urges in the first and third trimesters as pregnancy hormones increase the need to pee and as the baby grows and presses against ones bladder. Fun.

But I began to wake up at exactly the same time, each and every night. 3:32 a.m. The witching hour. Didn't seem to matter what time I went to bed or how much water I drank.

3:32 a.m.

Tell the world

The second trimester was just around the corner. Everything was on track. After three months it was finally time to tell the world.

When we got engaged we ran into some problems with the whole "big reveal" thing. We called my family first, then tried to call K's family. The only problem was that her mum was on a cruise and was unreachable. By the time she called in, K's sister had spoken to her first and given her the news because she knew we wanted her mum to contact us so we could nail down a date. To make things worse, the news had spread to my extended family very quickly and some of the younger member's had already posted about it on Facebook. We realized our error but it was too late - the whole world knew before K's mum, which was a real shame.

This time would be different. We went as far as to "book" phone calls with her family, whilst we planned a brunch for mine, since they were close by. Just to be 100% sure that her family would be the first to know we booked the calls for the Friday, whilst the brunch was Saturday.

We still couldn't keep things completely quiet. A week before the "reveal" we had our friends CP&CB over for dinner. It was a last minute thing, but we decided to tell them, since they were mere weeks from the birth of their baby. We were hanging out in the kitchen and I said "oh, hey, we have some pictures to show you". I ran and grabbed the ultrasound snaps and handed them. CB burst into tears and she had to abruptly sit down on CP's lap - it was a very powerful response! CP was also excited and he immediately expressed his joy that we were all going to share this next chapter of our lives, where we become parents. It was true - who better to have as comrades than close friends who live around the corner. It takes a village, and all that....

We were so relieved to finally tell people in our "inner circle". Up to this point the only people we had told were the HR director at my office, a classmate of K's who works in HR, the vet our bird goes to, the woman at the front desk of the motel in Buttonwillow and of course numerous healthcare professionals.

Friday came around and we made the calls to K's family. Her mum was delighted of course, and surprised. We had never revealed to anyone that we were considering starting a family, so we expected surprise from many people. Her dad on the other hand had guessed, based upon us having gone to great lengths to "book" a phone call. Her sister had thought the call might be to say we were moving to Europe or something, so she was also quite surprised but really pleased. Being a mother of two little boys, it would no doubt bring their sisterly bond even closer.

The next day was brunch. Sadly my sister couldn't make it, so we called her and her fiance earlier. They had called us first when they got engaged, so we were pleased to do the same with our big news two months later. It also meant we could finally say that we hoped their wedding would be next year so we could make it - and she confirmed that it would be. So there would be one extra guest!

The brunch guests arrived: my brother, parents and C&C who didn't want to miss the fireworks. After pouring mimosas for everyone but CB and K, I pulled the same trick, only this time brought my camera with me to capture the reaction (and then deleted the video by accident, grrr!) My mum went very quiet and then started crying - it was very touching. My dad was simply extremely happy and so was my brother. It was a lovely moment.

Next day we told my other sister, who had just returned from Mexico with her husband and 1-year-old daughter. I told her that we'd special-ordered a gift for her daughter that would arrive in September and was called a "cousin". She squeeled in delight!

From then on, we rushed to tick boxes - employers, close friends and then finally on the following Friday it went on Facebook. Now everyone would know!

The word was out. And that was nice.

Genetic testing

The older a woman is, the higher the likelihood that her baby will have genetic defects. The most common of these is Down Syndrome and women over 35 are considered most at risk. K is 37, so we were looking at numbers that said 1 in every 230 babies born to a 37-year-old woman has DS. However, the chances of a fetus having it are even higher, because many fetuses with the defect are terminated. Add to that the fact that K will be 38 when the baby is born and we were looking at something like 1 in 120.

These figures caused me great stress. I spent hours and hours number crunching. I found out about the screening test we were due to have and factored in false positives, false negatives and came up with an elaborate table about what it would mean should our screening test come back positive. It became clear that however high the odds were that the baby would have DS, they were massively higher that the screen would come back positive. So not only did I fear DS itself (1 in 120), I had to accept that 9 out of every 10 positive screens were false. Turns out that there was a 1 in 20 chance we'd be faced with a getting news at the screen that wouldn't allow us to breathe easy, and would require a diagnostic test called CVS. Even though the likelihood would be that the diagnostic test would come back with a good result, the stress of going through that would be terrible. No-one talks about this aspect of pregnancy, and we vowed that we'd be open and honest with people about the toll it takes.

With all this racing through our heads, we showed up at the hospital on March 2nd for the genetic screen. First we had an interview with a genetic counselor who asked us about family histories, and told us what our options were for screening. We opted for a sequential screen which discloses the results of the first screen and doesn't roll them into the second screen at 16 weeks for one final number. I wanted to know NOW and K agreed. If this screen looked good, we could go ahead with our plan to tell people in the 13th week.

Now it was the moment of truth. We went into the ultrasound room. The technician was going to measure something on the back of the baby's neck called the "nuchal translucency". This layer of fluid is present early in a pregnancy, and is a pretty good indicator of risk for DS. A typical measurement of the NT is up to 2.5mm. Anything beyond that indicates an above average chance of DS. The bigger the NT gap, the higher the chances of DS, to the point where a 6mm gap is something like a 1 in 4 chance.

The image came up on the screen. I could barely look. As amazing as it was to see this little creature, I wanted the tech to get the measurement so I could either relax or panic. After spending a few moments to get the little thing to orient itself properly she took the reading. When she said "1.2mm" I was ecstatic! It was definitely one of the top five single moments of my life, whilst the lead-up to both this and the awful appointment at 7 weeks were in the top five worst times.

Now I could breathe and enjoy the privelige of seeing our baby on the screen. There was a heartrate of 171 and the baby was very active, going through some kind of muy thai kickboxing routine, limbs punching and kicking imaginary exercise bags in the womb. It was a delightful experience.

After another blood test for K, we were ready to go, and the next six months stretched out before us. Until the screen it was impossible to look any further than that. Now we could let ourselves think about the world of possibilities ahead... names, bedroom furniture, how people would respond to the news, what will this little person grow up to be like, how we will do as parents, what our lives will be like, how much is it going to cost, schools, hobbies, the list goes on.... So much to think about, and all accompanied by an enormous sense of relief. Although there were more hurdles ahead, this was the biggest, at least to me. Finally we could admit to ourselves that we would parents, and in 10 days we would admit all that to our families too.

In-between was still scary for some

While N relaxed and got used to the idea of parenthood and the process ahead of us, the bleeding continued. For a month an a half. Despite reassuring words from our OB, the bleeding was a daily reminder of the fragility of the adventure we were just embarking on. It was a reminder that was very difficult to ignore or buy into the idea that "all was fine". It wasn't until that stopped, that I felt we could breath a bit and really enjoy the pregnancy.

And the hanky panky. And the gym.

The in-between time

By mid-February, we were past the terrible scare but were still a month away from telling people what was up. We were also a couple of weeks from the first genetic test.

We were in a no-man's (or woman's) land. No reason to be too worried about anything, reasonably hopeful that all is going well, one blurry ultrasound in our pocket, and doing whatever we could to avoid difficult social interactions where K would have to justify her apparent addiction to mineral water or orange soda.

One weekend morning we were going to meet with our friends C&C at the Beach Chalet for brunch and drinks. At the last minute we declined a ride with them - that was so K could drive and justify not drinking.

A friend of mine who I go motorcycling with had been trying to make plans to go to the MotoGP race at Laguna Seca in June. This year, he decided, we were camping. Only one problem. Since K and I were both planning on going to the race, and K would definitely not be camping at 6 months pregnant, I needed an elaborate story to explain why I couldn't commit to camping just yet. I managed to buy some time but it took a white lie to do so. I'm not a fan of lying.

Another night we were at C&C's house for a big party - they were mere weeks away from their baby being born so wanted one last shindig. K once again had to make up stories about why wasn't drinking - the usual plan of blaming all the work she had to get done for her masters degree was probably good enough, although we had a feeling someone might be onto us. The fact my parents were there didn't help the subterfuge either. Parents like to ask questions.

The biggest issue of all related to K's job. Without going into the details, we were concerned that a general agreement between her and her boss that she'd be leaving sometime in 2009 now threatened her chances of getting the benefits she deserved. Her boss tried to firm up the agreement, but K needed some time - she couldn't tell him until we were at three months. This, more than anything else, was the biggest cloud on the horizon. That is, until the genetic test...